Sunday, June 13, 2010

It's the Little Engine

It's been a LONG time. Yup, it sure has. I'm sorry. I had to decide to take my computer off of life support and it affected me. I'm on my sweetie's laptop. I don't know what I have against laptops, but I don't like them nearly as well. I miss my little, powerful, crazycool Mac. I could get it fixed, I know, but with the wedding coming up, it's just not a priority when I can use the (spit) laptop.

So. It's been two months. What have I accomplished in those two months? Well.. I gained three pounds while on vacation last week. I spent a lot of time beating myself up. I spent much energy berating myself. I have spent maybe half of that energy trying to motivate myself. Hm. My math seems to be off. I've made many wedding plans. I have gained another bridesmaid. I'm totally thrilled about that.

I've decided (again) that it's time for the no-nonsense approach to dieting. I mean, seriously, every breakfast cannot be a Mexican buffet like it was last week. But, oh man, was it ever delicious! Exercise cannot consist of floating around in the ocean, and walking from the pool to the beach to the pool to the chair to the suite. I cannot drink a margarita (or three) every day. Seriously! I have to get into a very fancy and expensive dress soon!

Okay. So, I have plan. Plans are good, right? I cannot continue to make excuses for my bad behaviour. The thing is, I need a plan for my mind as well as my body. The idea is to let go of fear, right? I found that I was a bit afraid while I was on vacation and I had to really give myself some motivational speeches in order to brave the beach and pool area. There are some really beautiful people out there and I felt totally intimidated. But, I finally convinced myself that what those people thought of me didn't even matter a little bit because I will never see them again, right? Right. So, I did it and I have the adorable freckles to prove it.

I have to believe that I DO have the right to try new things and I DO have the right to fail, even. I don't like to fail. I don't like to make mistakes. I have a hard time viewing them as learning experiences. I'd much rather learn from succeeding, wouldn't you? I know that into every life a little failure much fall, but it really sets me back. How do you guys deal with that? (Please don't tell me that I'm the only one with this problem.)

Tomorrow is Monday, but I believe that today is the beginning of the week. I should be in church. I planned to go today, but my stomach started acting weird last night and it carried over into this morning. I didn't want my first church experience involve everyone turning to look at me after my tum made a growly/rumbly noise. So, I'm on a mental diet starting today. NO negative thoughts. Regular prayer. Doing what I know I should even if it hurts. Even if I don't want to. Because, really, Diva, when has doing the easy, painless thing ever gotten you where you want to be? Food-wise, the diet is pretty easy. I'm not on vacay anymore, so I can only eat what I prepare or purchase. I feel pretty golden about that. I'm a little more iffy on the whole mental part of it. Does anyone else have to talk themselves up? What's the deal with that?

I know this post is rambly and weird. I have to get back in the groove. All three of you that read this (if that many) will forgive me, I'm sure. If you saw my adorable freckly face and cute smile you couldn't resist. I will try to post more regularly. Weekly, even. I can do it. (I think I can, I think I can..)